I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
