Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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