Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
lol hangovers are for mortals.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
