I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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