some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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