Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
