If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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