All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
