Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
