you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
