FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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