If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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