Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
