Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
