My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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