Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
