How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so that wasnt chicken after all
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
