I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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