Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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