all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
