Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
