Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
