Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
