I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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