One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
These tits shall not be calmed
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
