You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
