Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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