Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
