Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
so much tequila, so little girl.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
