He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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