New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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