Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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