Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
