I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
