i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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