i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
