drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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