Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
