i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
