We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
