i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize