I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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