Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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