Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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