She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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