I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
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