The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
