Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
