she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
