What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
