You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
