I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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