she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
