I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
