thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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