Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
