i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
