the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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