So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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