Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i was born a porn star she said
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
