he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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