During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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