Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
