Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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