After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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