Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
