you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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