i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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