Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
