pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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