how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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