Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
