Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wish i was in the wii world.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize