Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
